Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Welcome to Holding Company

"Okay, guys, nobody wants to see you having sex in the barracks. Don't do it. Get a room, seriously, I don't care - just not in the barracks. Drinking: No alcohol in the barracks - LT, go grab those bottles - it's not allowed. That's what we set up the drinking tent for, which you are more than welcome to play beer pong in, or whatever - thank you," the admin lieutenant handed the captain two half-finished handles of vodka.
"I found these in the female barracks, and beers in the male barracks just recently. Don't do it," he emphasized with some frustration, as cadets walked by our formation and stared at the slight captain gesturing with one hand in his pocket and the other around the necks of the bottles of vodka.
"Fraternization: Gentlemen, there are a lot of attractive enlisted women out there," I let out an audible snort before I realized that the captain wasn't making a joke, "so ask for some I.D. Don't take her home and find out she's a specialist, that's bad news. Ladies, you might meet some NCO who's all tabbed out with badges and everything, but it's still against the rules."
By the time he closed with a second reminder not to have sex in the barracks, I was absolutely mortified. A number of cadets, who in theory were supposed to look up to us as officers and authority figures, had had passed by and caught parts of the briefing, any of which would have been juicy. It was like when your mom drops you off at summer camp and calls after you to remember to change your underwear - but instead of reminding you about clean underwear, she yells a reminder not to accidentally stick your genitals in an electrical outlet.

I arrived mercifully late to holding company. The lieutenants who had generated the material for my welcome brief, the ones who had been dismissed by their committees earlier, had been sitting around for weeks going to multiple arbitrary daily formations, where they were frequently called up for manual labor details with little notice. By the time I arrived, most real work had already been done. If I can help it, I'll wait out my time at LDAC in a hedonistic blur of passes (allowing me to travel away from Ft. Lewis and thus excusing me from all details), naps, trips to the gym and to the club.

The job I actually came here for, that occupied me before I left my hotel and TTB for holding company, is too entertaining not to draw. Unfortunately, I may not have the privacy needed to draw anything for a while, so suffice it to say that it was a job perfectly suited to my talents and that I touched the lives of a thousand ROTC cadets.


  1. Ah, the return of the Tab Hunter! She's a beast.

    Not THAT Tab Hunter: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tab_Hunter

  2. I won't complain, once I've got mine!