Monday, March 28, 2011

The Big Red Whoops

For being ranked in the 92nd percentile of all ROTC cadets, serving as Battalion Commander, consistently scoring dozens of points above maxing on my APFT, being one of a handful of cadets to graduate Pathfinder school this year, and mastering a critical language, Cadet Command saw fit to reward me with my 8th choice of duty station: Ft. Riley, Kansas. I don't know where to begin.

There are too many punchlines to list, but my favorite may be that Riley's nearest town is - wait for it - Manhattan, Kansas. Jews, Manhattan, Kansas - take it from there.

I should point out that it's not all bad: According to unreliable sources, the unit's light BCT is scheduled to deploy about the time I should graduate Ranger School, which I love - I've been making this increasingly bad series of decisions because I want to lead soldiers in combat, not because my higher calling is bailing them out of jail and administering their PT tests back on post. And whoever's more badass stateside, every infantryman is doing the same thing in Afghanistan.
Also, Manhattan also hosts the nightlife of Kansas State University. If you'll allow me to quote
Superbad, "I'll be over at State, where the girls are half as smart and thus twice as likely to fellace me."

I should also point out that it's actually pretty bad - Riley is an infamously dull post. CPT Krunch, not an optimist, but certainly not one to complain, spared no expense telling me how much he hated "The Little Crapple."

There are options. Most likely is a duty swap - at LDAC or IBOLC I find a 2LT dumb enough to switch posts with me - say, a kid who graduated from Kansas University and is allergic to parachute lines and Italian food. For the right unit, I'd also be willing to pay a fair bit to sweeten the deal.

I can also call my branch manager, a human resources civilian responsible for placing me, and also hundreds of other infantry lieutenants - but I've heard of success stories from LTs who called up, plead their cases - in my case, a more earnest expression of the self-entitlement in my first paragraph (my favorite story is a guy who called with a fictitious story about how his father and grandfather had both served honorably in the 101st - and got in). The same ends are also possible if you just call up the personnel officer at the unit you want and ask them if they want you as a PL.

It's in my best interest not to call anyone up until I'm actually an officer - nobody wants to talk to a cadet and they may not even have the authority to change one's orders - so until then, if anyone asks, I'm still gearing up to be the only Jew in Manhattan.

P.S. If you forgot, this post details which units I actually wanted
P.P.S. 50th post!

Wednesday, March 23, 2011


Yes, I got CPT Krunch, who spent more years in Iraq than I did in elementary school and has probably killed more men than I've ever kissed on the cheek (I spent some time in Argentina) to read a patrolling OPORD based on the Kappa Rap.

Every artist has his signature and every second semester senior who is writing operations orders at 2 am is going to do this.

PS I realize that 14 is an entirely wrong number combination, and I ended up changing it, but that was Kappa Rap too.

Friday, March 4, 2011

Training Dates with Destiny

BOLC dates are out - and I'm pleased to report I have no reason to complain. Summer working at LDAC (the irony is almost unbearable), then IBOLC in October - could be better, but could be much, much worse (A random guy who found me on MilSpace sent me an email asking me to trade for his February slot - he got a politely worded "hell no" from yours truly).

I'm still not thrilled about the prospect of being unskilled, commissioned labor at Ft. Benning for two months between LDAC and IBOLC, so I'm dusting off my old nagging suit to go bother whoever it takes to move my date up.